St. Valentine's Day

It was an unusual Valentine's Day. DH and I met with the Confirmation class leaders to plan the retreat for next week, which went really well. Then I went to a funeral for a woman I used to work with. That was difficult. She was such an amazing woman and will really be missed. Her life made such an impact on so many people. Then I went to church to pray for a while which was really good. Then DH and I had red wine, crackers, cheese, and strawberries while we played Scrabble. For dinner, we had Chinese and watched "Fireproof" (which was really good despite the amateur acting). It was a good night, but ended with me puking for a good hour... what a romantic end to the evening!

Taking some time for God

I'm taking a break from The Nest... a difficult thing for me to do... first time in over a year. I've been so interested in the stories of those wonderful women, but I need to focus on real life. I need to stop wasting time on the computer. It's been too difficult to be there without the hope of a baby in my near future. And as my anniversary of my m/c coming up, I don't want to dwell on the past and what could of been. I need to focus on my future and the now.

I've been more and more involved at church and working with the high schoolers there. It's taught me so much and has really connected me back with my faith and with God. My faith is so important to me, but I don't live that reality out. I'm working on that. I have a list of new books I want to read and have been spending more time at church and in prayer. It's been good for me. I'll continue to keep the nest women and all women who are going through a miscarriage in my prayers.

I'm so emotional today

I don't know why other than AF hormones reeking havoc. I've been so lonely lately with DH traveling 3 weeks in a row. I'm grateful he's been home for the weekends. DH and I spent a lot of the morning talking which was good, but reinforced money stresses and TTC stresses. We are both struggling with being incredibly jealous of our siblings. I'm also having a hard time because my entire family, except DH and I, are at my parent's celebrating my nephew's 3rd birthday. I should be there. I'm his Godmother and I'm not there for his birthday party. I so want to be home more, but that costs money and time off work. I miss my family and really hate that their so far away. On a good note, my sister is coming to visit soon, so that will be wonderful!

Okay, pitty party over. Time to get some laundry done! Oh the joys in my life.

Aching for my baby tonight

I think things are worse right now because DH is traveling and I'm feeling really lonely. I just am in tears because I just want my baby right now. I'm sick of cycle after cyle, hoping for a surprise BFP that I know isn't going to happen. I'm really excited about my sister visiting next month, but it will be hard in some ways with her being quite pregnant.
I'm dreaming and aching for a baby to hold. When it finally happens I will enjoy every moment of the sleepless nights. I want to experience the joys and frustrations of being a mother. I've been praying lots for patience until God blesses us with a baby. I pray that we will get that blessing soon.

I have a secret...

I have a secret baby box in the closet of my office (the room that will become the nursery some day). This box has the following items:

1) Memories of my angel baby & m/c experience:
+HPT-gross, I know, but it's my only proof of my pregnancy and I can't let go of it
my brief pregnancy journal
2 books about m/c
2) the Mayo guide to pregnancy book
3) my stash of HPTs (3FRER & 4 digitals)
4) a pregnancy planner
5) a pacifier
6) a bib

I'm starting to stash info/tips for when my time does come. I'm getting excited that it may be this year!!!

Friends with kids

Yet another post about wanting a baby...

We are (as my FIL would call us) DINKs (dual income no kids). I'm done being a DINK, but DH really wants the dual part of the income for as long as possible and we have agreed I will be a stay at home mom (maybe just work a couple of shifts a month if necessary). I feel like I am done with my career- I've gone as far as I want to with it. I'm ready to join the rest of our age group and friends and have babies!
I know it's not a reason to have kids, but we are now falling far behind our friends.
K&E= 9 month old son
A&P= 13 month old son
C&R= 3 yr old son & 18 month old daughter
S&J= 3 yr old daughter & 14 month old son
G&M= 3 yr old son & expecting #2

Needless to say, when we get together with friends, there are almost always kids around! I've had a 6 day block of time off work this past week and we've gotten together with 3 of these couples. DH is so good with these kids! (He's still not too sure what to do with infants, but I've explained to him that's what mommies are for). I can't wait to be a Mommy and I know DH will be a wonderful Daddy.

Happy New Year!

I'm praying that this year will bring many blessings... there are many things to look forward to.

*my sister coming for another visit!
*3 weddings this summer
*a new niece or nephew arriving in June
*becoming closer to God
*a healthier and more productive lifestyle
*another vacation with DH (a baby-making one!)
*and hopefully a BFP and a healthy, sticky baby!