Control

I had a really emotional day yesterday. I'm not sure how to explain it... I was in a really thoughtful mood and kept crying just from emotion. I spent a few hours painting our new shed. It was a really good time to just think and pray. I really got to thinking about my desire for a baby, but not being on the same page with DH... What does this mean for my life? How do I use this time in my life? At church I kept tearing up too. I've come to realize I have some areas in my life I need to work on... stop obsessing over wanting a baby and focus on God. I need to really learn to trust Him again and lean on Him. He's in control; a baby will be His gift and will come when He allows it. I want to focus on God more (not yet sure what I'm going to do to accomplish this... just pray more at this point). This time of waiting is where God has guided me and I need to trust that He knows best.

Insomnia...again

I can't sleep. Its 2:30am. DH wants to get up and work on the yard projects at 6am before it gets too hot. I want to sleep in (he says it's okay if I do), but feel bad not helping him.

I'm browsing books online... I need a new author to get hooked on. I love Karen Kingsbury books, but I think I've read them all now and she doesn't have another coming out until fall. ("Summer" is heart-wrenching... one of the characters goes through a pregnancy with a poor prognosis. I bawled through it!)

Anyone have any recommendations?


Fun news! I get to go to NYC on a quick business trip with DH! I have to decide what all to do and what show to see (only there for 2 days!) I guess we're getting in a lot of traveling... maybe this will mean DH will be ready to TTC again sooner?! (Now I just need to get a second job to help him feel more ready financially!)

An award!

Sweet Andrea gave me an award! It's amazing to me that people even read my blog... even more that I got an award! I'm a somewhat sporadic blogger and don't have a clue how to make my blog all pretty like so many others, but I enjoy getting my thoughts out and even more that someone is there hearing me. One of my favorite things to do is read blogs... everyone and anyones. So, I have the joy of passing on this lovely award!

Amanda has been an inspiration to me. She is so strong and so caring. Even though TTCAL is her home, she frequents the PL board and is always offering hugs and prayers. God is certainly using her to make a difference in other women's lives.
Stacy is going through an amazing trial in her life. Her story breaks my heart, but her strength and outlook on life and God's sovereignty is incredible. I pray that God may work a miracle in Isaac's life.
Angie has inspired the world! She has taken her story and all that God has taught her through Audrey's brief life to support and teach others. I am moved every entry I read of hers.
MrsABC (not sure of her real name) has a beautiful story that I have followed for a quite a while and am so excited for her as the birth of her child nears. (I also love the crib bedding she picked out and have saved pics for my reference when my turn comes).
I've been following K-tell's story since her m/c. I feel a connection with her since we both had early m/c and I find comfort knowing we went through similar feelings through the experience. She is also expecting a baby early next year (and I love the music on her blog!)
Jess has struggled through 2 m/c's and still has faith that God is leading her down the path that is best for her.
I know Andrea just gave me this award, but I wanted to list her too. She has always had such kind and thoughtful comments for me and I love to receive them! She also has been through an early m/c and knows the ache of knowing what could have been. (Praying for a BFP for her!)

Waiting

I'm really wanting to TTC again... DH is not ready. He decided he wants to travel more, to save more money, and I don't know what else. I want a baby more than a trip to Hawaii and he doesn't get that. I feel like I'm only getting older, am terrified I might m/c again or have trouble TTC. Yes, I'm only 26 now, but I want 4 kids! The stinkin' baby fever is becoming a chronic disease for me now. It really is a painful one emotionally, especially after a m/c.

I'm hosting my 2nd baby shower this year too. I'm just having a bunch of women at work meet at a restaurant for a co-workers shower. I am going to make another diaper cake. They make great decorations/centerpieces for showers. I made a couple for our church's silent auction and they sold for a pretty good amount which made me feel good that people seemed to like them. They only take an hour or two to make (now that I know what I'm doing), but I might try some new things on this next one.

I get this entire weekend off work! Unfortunately a lot of it came home with me. I'm babysitting for my nephew and will probably end up helping DH with yard projects. I really just want to go hiking and find a coffee shop to sit and read at. That's what I love to do.

A quiet house...

We've just said goodbye to my aunt/uncle/cousin visitors... It's nice to have a quiet house after having company 9 of the last 13 days. I'm tired! But it's been fun. My sister visiting was definitely the highlight. We also squeezed in DH's birthday, 4th of July celebrations, and a night out with friends between the visitors. Now I'm just working on laundry and cleaning the house in preparation to work very long days the next 3 days. I'm trying to get caught up with my PL nesties but it's sad how many new ones there are and how many stories I've missed. It gets me pretty sad how many woman have to go through a PL. I love sneaking onto SAL board and checking on all the excitement.