Debating

I'm debating when to test... I don't know for sure how many DPO I am because I didn't chart this cycle (I've been charting for almost 4 years, so this was a very nice break!) But according to my calculations based on previous cycles, we BD 2 days before O.. perfect! (I hope). But for some reason I have a strong feeling that I am not pregnant. The only phantom symptom that I have right now is one (yes, only one) sore breast and that may just be because I sleep on that side. I have been helping with my nephews, so I've been really tired. I've stayed away from caffeine successfully (besides a few sips of soda). Anyway, I think I'm 7DPO right now. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up. Having spent the past week with my new nephew (who is so sweet and cuddly and adorable) is making me crazy not to have a baby of my own.

Success

Success! At least in the BD department... here's hoping it was all worthwhile! I'm spending this week with my nephews which is a blast, but exhausting. These boys definitely need cousins! I really don't get the "when are you having kids?" from my extended family like I used to. Maybe word has spread about my m/c, so they don't ask me. I don't mind that so much! Especially since we are now trying (which I don't really want to advertise to my family). I have gotten the question a lot at work recently.

We'll see if we were actually successful in just a couple of weeks! I'm really trying not to get my hopes up too high since we only got one BD in this cycle. But I'm sure praying hard!

Baby dream

I had a beautiful baby dream last night. It was so wonderful that I hit snooze multiple times just in hope that my dream would continue. In my dream I had a beautiful home birth (my neighbor was my doula) and gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. The birth wasn't even very painful (yeah...dream on!). She had a head full of dark hair and was perfect! I just remember holding her and being so proud and in love. I love these baby dreams (I've had a few), but they make me long for my baby even more. I wonder if the baby I lost was a girl because I tend to dream about having a baby girl.

My only chance to get pregnant this cycle is if I convince DH to sneak out to BD this weekend... he's not on board with that at all. I'm hoping I'll be able to seduce him :) and I'm praying that we can get pregnant! I'm not counting on it though... Once again, I'm trying to be patient for God's timing.

Disappointed

Not pregnant... AF showed up. Now next month doesn't look hopeful. DH will be traveling for a week and then I leave for almost 2 weeks. The only time we'll see each other (when there's a chance for me to get pregnant) is at an out of town wedding. I don't think I'll be able to get DH to sneak out and get me pregnant, but it could be an interesting story someday if we do!
Oh well... keeping it in God's hands. (While begging and pleading with Him in the meantime).