Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

The following was shared on the PL board... really meant a lot to me...

"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother."

-Unknown

Motivation

I've been sick with some awful head cold for a week. Ugh. Needless to say, I have done NOTHING productive (except go to work) for a week. My house is a mess, I have tons of laundry, I haven't done grocery shopping, I have overdue library books... so I decided to BLOG!
Great idea, Annie! :)

TTCAL

Trying To Conceive After a Loss
This is the fairly new board on The Nest Baby that I am lately having a love/hate relationship with. First of all, I can completely understand the need for this board. While the saddness of a miscarriage stays with us forever, there is a point when we need to get past the grief and be excited about TTC again. Moving on, however, is hurting the Pregnancy Loss board. Many of the great TTCAL women are great about coming over and replying and saying kind words to the new losses, but that's all there is. Few other posts are showing up on PL except the sad posts of grief.
I'm not ready to move on, I'm not ready to TTC again, but I'm not as sad and grieving as much anymore. It's becoming harder to reply to the PL posts and I don't feel the need to be on the board nearly as much. I'm not much of a post initiator, but want to bring something to the PL board that would be beneficial to the women there. It helped me so much when I was going through my m/c... So, what do I do?

Mother's Day Blues

Well, it wasn't terrible... it wasn't great. I got to be with my own mother... but didn't get to be acknowledged as a mother. Last year at my own church, our priest had all of the women stand up for a special mother's day blessing and I thought it was silly since I didn't have any children. This year, I was at my parent's church and they had all of the mothers and mothers-to-be stand. This caused immediate waterworks on my part. I bawled the rest of the way through church. I was supposed to have been a mother-to-be today. I was supposed to have made the big announcement to my family today. It would have been perfect. Now all I have is an angel baby nobody knows or seems to care much about.

Almost Mother's Day

As Mother's Day is approaching, I'm really reflecting a lot on the women in my life who are mothers... my own mom, my MIL, my sister, my SIL, my grandmother, my coworker with triplets, my coworker who is due in September...
I'm so glad I'll be with my mom and sister this mother's day. My mom because she is my mom and because she has said the exact right things to me when I miscarried. I know she understands exactly what I'm going through and that brings me so much comfort. My sister was the first person (other than DH) that I talked to when I miscarried. I couldn't reach my mom and so I called my sister next. She doesn't know what it's like to miscarry, but she said the perfect things to me that morning as I was bawling over the phone to her, devastated. She simply acknowledged that she didn't know what it was like and that she was so sorry for what was happening. She was just so wonderful. She told me to call her at any time if I needed her.
I just love my family so much and am so excited to see them later this week. I haven't seen them since Christmas and am thrilled to be with them for a week.

Amazing Love

So beautiful, so sad.

I've watched this 20 times and am in awe of this woman and her family. What a difficult time to go through and what incredible and real faith she has.

Needed a change

I decided I needed a change... almost got my haircut after my trip to the dry-cleaners, but decided to just come home. Changed the color and font of my blog instead.

SNOW!?

It's not the first time it has happened here, but it's snowing today! Kind of fun! This kind of weather makes for a great day to curl up with a good book and hot tea in front of the fireplace. All I'm missing is the fireplace...
Here's to enjoying the simple things in life again.