Negative

My blood work was negative. I'm not surprised. I'm packing a couple HPT in addition to AF supplies just in case I o'd really late. That would be so great to get a BFP in Italy! But I certainly shouldn't anticipate it at this point. I wish I would be pregnant again before my EDD... it's in less than a month. Well, now I just wish I knew when AF would show. I've never been this late before.

Now I hopefully can focus on getting excited and packing for our trip! It's supposed to rain every day, but it will still be great! DH and I could really use some time with just the two of us and no stresses of jobs or housework.

Still waiting...

Not sure what to do... still no AF, still BFN. We leave for our trip to Italy this weekend. I would be so excited if I was pregnant, but really just want to know what's going on with my body. I don't remember having this long of a cycle (41 days now) ever in 15 years of AF visits. Now I'm trying to decide if I should go get labs drawn or if I should just play the wait and see game. I really would love to know so I could either pack AF supplies or avoid all the great wine in Italy.

Update:
Got an hcg level drawn and should have it back by tomorrow afternoon. I don't think I am pregnant, but it will be nice to have an answer.

Late...

AF is late... my longest cycle is 33 days... today is day 34. I took a HPT yesterday- BFN. I would be really surprised if we got pregnant this cycle (but I wouldn't be disappointed!) I have no symptoms other than occasional cramps (like AF is coming) and the cleaners at work were really bothering me like they did with my last BFP. We'll see I guess!

Thoughts on life

The past four days have been representative of life. Thursday and Friday were spent saying goodbye to a beautiful little 2 year old. Saturday and Sunday were spent at baby showers celebrating upcoming life. I've been thinking a lot about life and God and what's important to me.

DH and I spent hours talking about TTC plans. I'm so ready, but I know it's all emotional. He has some really good points and reasons to wait (mainly financial). I want a baby. I'm also terrified of the fragility of life. To have a child means to be completely responsible for a life and to love so much it hurts. Am I truly ready for this? I believe I am, even though I'm scared. We would welcome a baby at any time, but we're not actively trying for a while longer.

The funeral

This has been a rough few days. The funeral was last night. It was beautiful, but heart-breaking. My friend was sobbing like I've never heard anyone cry before- the deepest sadness I've seen anyone experience. There was a slide show of pictures of his short life at the reception. He was so precious.
The burial was this morning. Once again, it was very difficult to see this tiny coffin and know that the sweet little boy who was always so joyful and full of life is gone. At the end of the graveside service, a butterfly briefly landed on the coffin. It was as though God was reminding everyone that He has His child in His loving care and to not worry.
I am worried about my friend. She has been through so much more than anyone should ever have to go through. I just keep praying for peace for her over and over again. I've added into my calender reminders to call her on his birthday and on mother's day. Those will be especially difficult I'm sure. Not that my early m/c comes even remotely close to what she's going through, but I feel like it's helped me to be sensitive to these days and the thought that she will always be a mother even though her son is no longer on earth.
Our church community has been amazing in setting up support for her. I'm so glad for this. It's amazing to see.

Shocked and sad.

My computer crashed so I've been MIA from the internet for a while. I just learned (via facebook), that a friend's toddler was killed. He was shot in an awful situation. I don't know what to say or do. I tried to call her last night when I found out, but she was already asleep. I want to help her or do something for her, but I don't know what to do. I used to babysit for this precious child and can't believe he's gone. He was her world. I'm sick and heartbroken. I just keep praying for her.

Update

I went back to my oral surgeon on Friday... dry sockets... I got the nasty clove smelling/nasty tasting packing in and it made a huge difference in the pain. Now I don't want to eat because of the nasty taste in my mouth. Too bad I'm not trying to loose weight! The stuff is starting to wear off today, so I'll go in and get more on Monday.

DH and I decided on a boy's name! We've had a girl's name picked out for a while but now we found a boy's name we like too! Now if only I convince him to start TTC again! He's all worried about money especially with the market right now and his job is on the line if his division doesn't start making more money for the company. I was kind of hoping for a "made in Italy" baby.

Still on drugs

I'm still in pain... I have to flush out the sockets with a syringe and it hurts so much! I'm taking an extra day off work too. I'm so lonely now too, but DH gets home tonight!

Just got news that another cousin is having a baby. I'm happy for them. She is in her upper 30s and he's 40 and they really want kids so I'm glad they got pregnant. It will be tough to see them at Thanksgiving (the day after my EDD). I hope it's not too difficult a trip- I'm not sure how I will react to my EDD. I don't think DH will even remember, let alone be supportive. It will be nice to see family for the holiday though.