I'm having a difficult time right now. I'm really struggling with jealousy when I hear of someone getting pregnant. I found out tonight that my sister-in-law is pregnant. This will be her second. Her first was born the day I started to miscarry. I'm so jealous and am having a hard time feeling happy for her even though I should. I just feel like pregnancy news is becoming a weekly thing. Here are all of the pregnant women I know right now: my sister, my SIL, 3 girls at work, 1 at DH's work, & 2 college friends. I really hate feeling so jealous. I want to be happy for everyone, but I'm really struggling with how I really feel and don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it.
I'm scared too. I've started really stressing and fearing that I won't be able to get pregnant again for a really long time and I've wasted all of my younger years because DH is stubborn and wants to plan each child to the T. There is no reason we need to be waiting all of this time. I can't stand it anymore. I don't know that God will bless us with a child on our time. I really feel like we need to just trust Him and I'm scared that because we're not, I won't be able to have a baby. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm scared I'll be punished for not trusting more.
I just want to cry right now, but I don't feel like I can explain things to DH, so I'm keeping my emotions stuffed in. DH has been talking about Mother's Day coming up. We'll be seeing my MIL & SIL that day. DH made a comment about them being the mothers and that really made me feel sad. I'm a mother too. I just have no precious baby in my arms.
On Giving Thanks in the Thick of It
8 years ago
1 comment:
*HUG* I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! If you read my blog a year ago you'll know how hard it was for me to watch my SIL too. I can't imagine having to watch her go through a second pregnancy if I was still not pregnant. As a matter of fact, I know that I will still be really jealous and bitter when she gets pregnant again, no matter how many kids I have. I think you're a really strong person for continuing to see her, especially on Mother's Day! And you're right, you ARE a mother, and I can't wait to hear the news that you are expecting and will be holding a child in your arms.
I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better, but just know that you can talk about whatever you want on here. I understand and I think it's safe to say that everyone else who reads your blog does too.
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