Emotional week

I'm not pregnant anymore. I started cramping and then bleeding on Thursday night. By Friday morning it was pretty AF... I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I'm just paying attention to make sure I don't bleed too much and have an appointment set up with primary doc on Tuesday. I don't even have an OB/GYN yet. I guess it's good that this happened so early- before we told anyone and before I had any doctor's appointments. It's still so hard and so sad. I went through all the emotions of finding out I was pregnant and getting worried and getting excited and then I miscarry. I was only in my 5th week. Happily and sadly, my sister in law had her baby on Thursday. So I'm surrounded by babies and excitement about pregnancies and I hate it right now. DH doesn't even have a clue. He thinks that maybe I wasn't even pregnant and just had a really long cycle and the multiple pregnancy tests that showed faint lines were just wrong. I don't want him to say that. I was pregnant and I lost the baby. That was my biggest fear. I have always been so terrified of miscarrying one day. My mom went through at least 3 that I know of and I saw how hard it was on her- I remember it being hard on me and I was only a kid. I'm looking forward to Tuesday to just make sure everything is okay. I don't know if she'll be able to tell at that point, but I kind of do want confirmation that I was in fact pregnant and that nothing's wrong with me and I will be able to have a baby someday.