New nephew!

My sister had her baby this past weekend. I got to see them via webcam and he is sooo cute! He has a ton of hair and is so cuddly and precious. Times like this make me miss being closer to my family. I'm planning to stay with my sister for a week next month and help her out. I'm really looking forward to meeting my nephew and seeing my sister!
Two more girls at work are now expecting. I'm happy for them! Lots of prayers that my turn will be next.

Bad timing

Our summertime TTC may be a little difficult. Apparently it's easier if DH & I are in the same state to make a baby. I will be out of town during the next 2 cycles at the time I should be o'ing. It's not even DH's crazy business trips that are getting in the way this time. It's my own travels! Then the next month, we have to get pregnant or else TTC will be on hold for a couple of months because of a wedding next year. I don't think I can wait any more! I sure hope it somehow happens soon!

I'm still obsessed with baby stuff. I have lists galore of to-do's, baby item purchases, nursery plans, etc. I even picked out the travel system I want! Did you know Bed Bath & Beyond has baby stuff now?! I think that's fantastic!

I really hope I'm not setting myself up for extreme dissappointment.

June already?!

Here's what I've been up to lately...

I've just spent most of my free time this past week reading through MckMama's blog. I'm still not finished, but I had started following it last fall, but had never read from the beginning (as I do with most of the blogs I follow). Sometimes blogs are better than my novels I love to read. I love stories of real life, struggles and joys.

Discussing the possiblity of living in Europe... DH has been struggling with job stuff. He's not happy in his current position. One of his coworkers revealed a few opportunities opening up and he's opted to voice his interest in the one in Europe! We have discussed this possibility before and I would be very nervous about it, but would be on board for the adventure. It would most likely be only for a few years and wouldn't probably happen for about a year. Hopefully having a newborn in tow would be an extra challenge in that adventure!

Cleaning/Nesting: With TTC efforts in full speed ahead this summer, I'm starting to nest already! The room that will be our first nursery is currently my "office." I planned from the beginning for this to be a nursery. It's a gorgeous calming blue color (regardless of the baby's gender, it will remain blue). My desk will move downstairs, and I'll have to relocate all of my "junk" (I'm a bit of a pack-rat). I've been trying to weed through all of that stuff now.

So, that's what I've been up to!

Nothing to say

I haven't known what to blog about lately, so I haven't blogged. Not too much has been happening lately. Work, household chores, church stuff, and work. I can't wait to have something to blog about... stay tuned for a more interesting summer hopefully!

For the time being, I'm living vicariously through you, my blogger friends, and rooting you along in your adventures in life!

Things I'm looking forward to

I'm so ready to be pregnant. I'm so fearful that I will never be or will never hold my baby. I'm trying to be more positive and have actually cut back on coffee hoping to increase my odds of getting pregnant and staying that way! (This is big for me... I'm a huge coffee drinker, especially when I have to work night shift.)

So here's my list of pregnancy-related things I'm looking forward to...
1) Seeing a nice dark BFP
2) Telling our families (especially my mom and sister)
3) Enjoying every moment of nausea, exhaustion, and trip to the bathroom because I know it will be because I'm pregnant
4) Hearing the heartbeat
5) Seeing DH be excited about our baby!
6) Having something in common with many of the other women in my life
7) Showing off my baby bump
8) Decorating the nursery
9) Feeling our child growing inside of me.
10) Being able to be included with the other mothers on mother's day

that's it for now... I'm sure I can come up with more!

jealous and scared

I'm having a difficult time right now. I'm really struggling with jealousy when I hear of someone getting pregnant. I found out tonight that my sister-in-law is pregnant. This will be her second. Her first was born the day I started to miscarry. I'm so jealous and am having a hard time feeling happy for her even though I should. I just feel like pregnancy news is becoming a weekly thing. Here are all of the pregnant women I know right now: my sister, my SIL, 3 girls at work, 1 at DH's work, & 2 college friends. I really hate feeling so jealous. I want to be happy for everyone, but I'm really struggling with how I really feel and don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it.

I'm scared too. I've started really stressing and fearing that I won't be able to get pregnant again for a really long time and I've wasted all of my younger years because DH is stubborn and wants to plan each child to the T. There is no reason we need to be waiting all of this time. I can't stand it anymore. I don't know that God will bless us with a child on our time. I really feel like we need to just trust Him and I'm scared that because we're not, I won't be able to have a baby. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm scared I'll be punished for not trusting more.

I just want to cry right now, but I don't feel like I can explain things to DH, so I'm keeping my emotions stuffed in. DH has been talking about Mother's Day coming up. We'll be seeing my MIL & SIL that day. DH made a comment about them being the mothers and that really made me feel sad. I'm a mother too. I just have no precious baby in my arms.

Vacation!

DH and I went on vacation! It was so wonderful to get away from it all and spend time with each other. We talked, we read, we took pictures, and we played scrabble! All the things we love to do... we're such dorks!
Not much else to blog about lately, so that's all.